i figured out the perfect solution for the problem of the war in iraq. now, i don’t typically take these kind of stances publicly or get involved in what i tend to consider a fashionable cause, but i really think i hit the nail on the head here. the perfect solution for the war in iraq is this: we make iraq the 51st state.

i know what you’re thinking and, yes, it is crazy. considering that crazy has seemed to work for us as a country so far, i think it’s time to step up our game a little. first off, we’re due. you know the last time we added a state to the union? 1959 and we added two at once. it’s been almost fifty years since we last added a state and we only added five in all of the 1900’s. that’s way down from the 29 in the 1800’s and 16 in the twenty four short years we were a country in the 1700’s. manifest destiny got us this far in a few short decades and we just petered out on taking territory for ourselves once we hit the first world war. i’m disappointed in us as a country. i just thought we were more tenacious than that. what happened to bigger and better, america?

second reason iraq needs to become a state: all the fighting would stop immediately. there hasn’t been a civil war on american soil (or for that matter, sand) in over 150 years. and i can gurantee you that those flaming liberals will want to back our president in sending more troops there once they realize that they really are protecting america. that and we wouldn’t really be sending any troop to a foreign country at all. i mean, how could anyone object to transferring troops over seas if it was just to another state? people never line the streets in protest when a soldier gets moved from camp pendleton to pearl harbor.

final reason to make a iraq the 51st state: prosperity. if iraq was under the law the of the u.s. constitution, there would be no more human rights violations in iraq. that, and we’d get all that yummy oil. and from the money generated from all that yummy oil we could afford to set up shop in iraq and take control of all those ungrateful muslims. we could import our brand of democracy and make it a beacon of hope for the ungrateful muslims in the world. because if there’s one thing america knows, it’s that our ironclad system of government works despite the pesky confines of any and all cultures and religions.

2008: vote iraq for #51