Archive for the ‘on the road’ Category
So if it was almost 4am and you’re sitting in the passenger seat of a Dodge Challenger with your Chuck Taylors propped up on the dashboard, what would you write about? Would it be about the relative absurdity of the situation you ended up in? Would it be about getting to see almost every star in the sky above the void surrounding you on either side of your designated ribbon of highway? Would you reflect on the plasticity of time now that it’s actually 5am after crossing the New Mexico border?
Maybe you’d just do like me and ask a bunch of rhetorical questions that are just barely on this side of nonsense.
I wish that was just an expression this time around. unfortunately, it’s not. at spirit west coast the other weekend, they had an ear doctor on site who was taking free impressions of artist’s ears for the purpose of the artists getting custom molded in ear monitors. those are amazing little gadgets by the way. the ear doctor looked at my right ear drum and said it looked great. then he looked at my left drum and said, “hm, you have about a 25 decibel loss on that side.” I’m guessing that’s not too horrible because I don’t notice it too much. I do notice it more now though. so it’s either all in my head and I’m going crazy or I’m actually going deaf. neither prospect is very attractive.
i haven’t been taking very good care of myself. the hearing thing got me thinking about that. I used to wear ear plugs on stage religiously, but I haven’t for at least a year and a half. i’ve been horrible about eating good things and worse about exercising. I haven’t seen a doctor for at least the better part of a decade. it’s probably been even longer since going to a dentist. I’m supposed to change out my contacts for a fresh pair every two weeks and I’m embarrassed to say I don’t remember when the last time that happened was.
why do we as humans do and say things to ourselves that we would never do to anyone else?
hooray for an end to somewhat depressing posts. for now anyway. that never seems to last too terribly long with me. i digress. i won’t be so presumptuous as to say something like “sorry i haven’t written in a while.” mostly because i’m not sorry at all. for about a month and a half there i was actually busy. me and amanda moved out of our crappy apartment and into gerard’s house. those of you in riverside know exactly what i’m talking about. so yeah, exciting stuff.
but on to what i’ve decided to write about today. ladies and gentlemen, i’d like to present you with what i believe to be the most useless invention in the long horrible history of useless inventions. i give you….the AUTOMATIC PAPER TOWEL DISPENSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
these things have been an overnight sensation it feels like. they’re absolutely everywhere and i just don’t get these stupid things. how lazy are we? “no! i cannot and will not be bothered to pull a lever–who knows how many times?– in order to receive the appropriate amount of paper towels to dry my hands! if only someone made something that would electronically give me paper towels one at a time.” it’s not like this is more sanitary or something. people don’t ordinarily get paper towels if they haven’t just washed their hands. and it seems like this is the worst possible environmental solution ever. it’s cutting down trees AND using electricity. not to mention that it does horrible at actually drying your hands. it’s always a guessing game to figure out how those sensors work and by the time that second towel is done rolling out your hands are almost dry just from being out in the open. and you know that it’s going to get worse down the road. i can just see it. you happen to have to use a public restroom for a twosie, reach to the right to grab some toilet paper and discover you have to wave your hand under a machine and wait just so you can wipe. not cool, sanitation companies. not cool
at the risk of writing a post that’s literally as long as the ten days i was gone for, i’ll attempt to sum it up in as few points as i can.
- the southwest has some great people who have some sort of selective blindness that makes them not see the hundreds and hundreds of miles of desert that surround them. i’m working on a cure for this.
- i spent two days in juarez, mexico. i watched movies in english with spanish subtitles at a theater whilst being served sushi in a leather reclining chair. they need to bring this back to the u.s.
- while in juarez, i attended a mexican circus.
actually, i think it was a “latin american” circus. i saw five tigers in a cage obey one guy with a whip. much to my dismay, the tigers didn’t suddenly become aware of the situation and say to themselves, “wait a sec. i’m a f*cking tiger.”
- moises is the only person i know who it’s possible to get this picture of.
that photo was not staged in any way whatsoever. he’s actually passed out in the car while drinking a rockstar energy drink.
my birthday has come and gone, and i’m officially 25. i’m doing fine now. it just always happens the month or so before my birthday is all. thanks for bearing with me, everyone