overcoming average(?)

because it’s something the world just needs less of

blanket apology

with 4 comments

You know when you think about that ten year high school reunion? I’ve still got a good four years to really concern myself with that particular event, but it creeps into my mind every now and then. I’m pretty sure that there’s only two thoughts that pop up when people think about that: you’re either excited about it because your life is going good, or you’re not because you think everyone else’s life is probably going so much better than yours. I’ve been one of the ones that is looking forward to it. It’s taken me six years after graduating to realize that the reason for that isn’t really because my life is going so great though, but because I really wanted to stick it to everyone for treating me so bad. I’m pretty sure that I’m not unique in that sentiment though. I mean, how many sitcom episodes have had that exact plot? (i typed this first part on my iphone, hence the proper capitalization and spelling. back to the topic.) i wasn’t ever really popular in high school. i looked around at the people i went to school with and thought about how dumb they were for whatever reason. either they were stupid for playing sports that no one cared about, or they were stupid for wasting their lives partying all the time, or they were stupid for making marching band the end all and be all of their existence, or they were stupid for choosing a guy that was obviously a worse choice than me, or they were stupid for any other myriad of reasons that i disagreed with. the bottom line is that i thought i was smarter and therefore better than all but a few of the people i went to high school with. i’m not gonna lie, it was rather fun at the time to make fun of people in a way that they didn’t understand, but that doesn’t make it right. it’s a very narcissistic way to live life and i don’t recommend it. i think one of the reasons i was so mean and just downright selfish was that i was never really comfortable with who i am. over the past year or so, i’ve really started to be able to see myself and develop a sense of identity. i know my purpose, at least for the time being. i know what i can and can’t handle. i know who i am and who i’m not. i feel like the first 23 years of my life was an extended identity crisis and like i’m finally on the other side of it. “the resolution of a lifelong identity crisis” isn’t the title of this post though. this is meant to be an apology. so here it is:

to everyone i went to high school with,
i’m sorry. maybe i was just jealous because you at the very least looked like you knew who you were. i was bitter and mean to you whether you knew it or not and that wasn’t fair to you. you didn’t fit in with my twisted little version of what the world was supposed to look like, and that was my issue which i unfairly took out on you. and for that, you have my most sincere apology. and i hope you’re somehow able to read this and accept it before we see each other again, whether that’s tomorrow or at the reunion in four years.


Written by matt

November 28, 2007 at 2:01 am

4 Responses

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  1. I think we all have things we could apologize about when it comes to high school….just wait till your 10-year…..don’t be too shocked to find out that nothing much really has changed…..smile….


    November 29, 2007 at 6:50 pm

  2. Okay…I know you and Gary made fun of me for being a cheerleader to my face…but did you do it behind my back too?
    At least I knew cheer was lame…but it was my “mission field” hahaha.

    How’re you doing Mattyq?

    p.s. I’m excited for 10-yr. reunion, not because high school was horrible for me, but I’d still like to stick it to ’em. See? everyone deals with this stuff.


    December 2, 2007 at 3:29 pm

  3. Yo matt! I like the fact that you can apologize for things that happened over 1/2 a decade ago. The past is the past and thats where it should stay. And you were right about me…I AM going bald! Ha ha. See you around bro.


    December 19, 2007 at 10:44 pm

  4. those reunions are always a mixed bag lol..or so i imagine. you never really know how it’ll turn out. i’m a first time reader of your blog, lol its a good first impression i have, all the best 🙂


    January 6, 2010 at 5:42 pm

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