overcoming average(?)

because it’s something the world just needs less of

May 30, 2011 #everydaymay

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Until a few years ago, I lived in a consistent state of doubt as to whether I was actually any good at playing music. Any criticism I received, constructive or not, I filed along with everything else that said I just wasn’t any good. That was the lie I was told: that anyone who would let me on stage with them was putting up with me because of whatever other good qualities I was able to convince them I had.

Fast forward, and it’s a different story now. I’m fairly confident in my abilities. I can handle myself well in just about any situation. I don’t really hear any criticism these days, either. I’m not perfect or anything, I’m just saying. I’m playing with a lot of different people now, too, some of whom know me pretty well and some who don’t, so I’m pretty sure I’m on stage with them for my ability and not necessarily for my personality. I feel like I have a lot to offer, musically speaking. So now the lie is this: People may not want my input because I give off some vibe of ambivalence or pretension; that I’m not someone worth talking to and that I’m being wasted in some way.

So now, I don’t feel like anyone wants to know what I think so I’m not worth asking. Before, if anyone had asked me for my input I would have frozen up and not been able to say anything because whatever I could have said was clearly a dumb idea before I even said it. That’s the thing about lies. Even when they’re seemingly opposite ideas they make you feel like you’re someone other than who are and it’s equally destructive.


Written by matt

May 31, 2011 at 1:14 am

Posted in everydaymay

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